The Thin Line of Love and Posture

There is a facet of male confidence called posture that bears some discussion.
What exactly is posture? Well, simply put, it’s your ability to feel like you have control over the situations you enter with women, whether this is asking for the phone number, date behavior, sexual initiation, whatever.
When you go out on a date, you have to enter the situation with self-control and assurance. This assurance comes from the deep-seated belief that you are the one with the goods - this woman needs something you have.
Posture can be gauged on a scale, like those wide speedometers on old luxury cars. On the far left (near 0 mph) is your total ambivalence (and just a bit of avoidance) to the situation or woman. On the right (where your engine is maxxed), you are hopelessly obsessed, anticipating and bemoaning every waking minute you’re not near her. In the middle is a comfortable place for the needle to rest. You occasionally think about her, but you know you can also remain detached.
Think of how you felt when you knew someone you were not attracted to had a crush you: Part of you was flattered, but mostly you could not have cared less.
Think of how you treated her. You were probably cool and a bit aloof, not wanting to instigate further feelings of attraction on her part. The ironic thing is that this only made her want you more.
The point here is that you should strive to emulate this kind of attitude with every woman you relate to. The trick is that you practice this cool detachment with a balance of flirtatious interest, but only enough to give them some doubt about your intentions -- Mystery.
Emulate the masters: James Dean, Sean Connery, Cary Grant, John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, etc. These guys were a bit sexist in their day, but they displayed the stoic example of male posture: Their personas said they didn’t give a damn if the woman they were with wanted them or not, and that is why they were admired by men and women alike.
But keep in mind that posture is not just a hardened visage of manliness. To the contrary, your ability to remain vulnerable and flexible is essential to success. The man that is rigid and unbending will break (as the Taoist saying about the reed in the wind.) Balance your firmness with a measure of emotional warmth.
(Another possible trap of false posture is the manipulation of a woman’s self-esteem, and you should avoid this as well. It can be tempting to use a woman’s insecurities against her as a tool to control her. This is not the correct use of posture.)
You’ll know you have posture when you have the will to get up and leave ANY situation you happen to be in with a woman if it suits you.
You’ll be able to pull back from a kiss first, thus leaving her wanting more. You’ll be able to call her bluffs and tests. You’ll be able to turn her down for a date because you’re busy. You’ll be able to walk away from a potentially poisonous woman, no matter how beautiful. You’ll be able to turn her down for sex because you have alternatives and options - as well as knowing that she needs it more than you.
Posture. She’ll respect you and admire you for keeping it, no matter what. And you’ll respect and admire yourself, too. Imagine what that will feel like.
The mantra of this attitude is this: I am better off alone than with the wrong woman.

How to Deal with Incredibly Beautiful Women

Perhaps you’ve heard of The Perfect 10.
A woman so stunningly beautiful that guys literally throw themselves at her feet. A woman so amazing, so breath-taking, that she can have any man she wants, any time she wants... and she knows it.
She lives in her own special little world, a world most of us can’t even imagine -- everything is good there, everything is easy. She gets anything she wants. She rarely has to pay for anything because people are always giving her things, buying her things, bringing her presents. She gets special treatment in restaurants, bars, stores, and every other place she goes.
Everyone loves her. Every guy wants her. And every girl wants to be her.
After all, she is The Perfect 10.

Well, my fellow Don Juans, let me assure you that despite what you may have read or heard, there’s no such thing as The Perfect 10. She does not exist. Not one woman on this huge planet of ours even comes close to our image of The Perfect 10.
Yet the myth of the enchanting, irresistible Perfect 10 is extremely common among men, especially younger men.

"This Perfect 10 walked into the bar and every head in the place turned."
"You have to use a different strategy when approaching an incredibly beautiful woman, because she’s used to guys throwing themselves at her and doing whatever she wants."
"She rarely gets approached by guys because they’re intimidated by her beauty."
"Don’t even bother pursuing a 10 unless you’ve got a lot going for you (money, fame, looks). You’ll get shot down, or used and abused."

I hear these "Perfect 10" comments all the time. I read them on discussion forums. I get email questions about "how to deal with incredibly beautiful women." And I even read comments about 10s by relationship "experts."
Let me repeat to you: There’s no such thing as The Perfect 10 !!
In fact, you would be hard-pressed to find a lady, any lady in this huge world of ours, who qualifies as an Almost Perfect 9.
But, I hear you thinking, "They DO exist. I see them all the time. In fact, I saw a Perfect 10 earlier today."
True. You DO see 9s and 10s frequently. So do I. But the thing you have to remember is that one’s perception of physical beauty is completely subjective. It varies quite a bit from person to person. There are no objective standards for female beauty that every guy subscribes to.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
And I’m not just talking about different cultures here. (You probably know that in some cultures, the fatter a lady is, the more beautiful she is perceived to be.)
Yet, the myth of The Perfect 10 - that absolutely stunning woman that no man can resist - is very prevalent these days. False, but prevalent.
Where does this myth originate? Why do we believe in Perfect 10s?
The unfortunate fact is that everyone tends to view the world in a very egocentric fashion. We believe that what we see, others also see. We believe that what we perceive as attractive, beautiful, and stunning, others also perceive the same way. We believe, quite incorrectly, that the women who take our breath away, also take the breath of every other guy on the planet.
It’s a ridiculous belief. An unfounded myth. And it’s rather easy to shatter.
Do an experiment. Take 4 or 5 of your buds out to a nice crowded bar, one that’s always packed with beautiful women. Find yourselves a table and try to find ONE lady in the entire bar that everyone agrees is A Perfect 10. One lady that everyone agrees is absolutely stunning.
You’ll fail miserably. In fact, I doubt you’ll be able to find a lady in the entire bar that even half your buddies think is a 10. You probably won’t even be able to find a lady that everyone agrees is an 8 or 9.
Invariably when you or one of your buds picks out a lady and declares triumphantly for all to hear that she is absolutely perfect - and then waits for all to agree - someone in the group will respond, "No way. You’ve got to be kidding. She’s okay I guess, but I’d give her about a 6."
You will be amazed, no stunned, at the women your buddies feel are Perfect, and they’ll be equally stunned at you. Your, their, and our perceptions of beauty are just too subjective, too skewed by our past experiences and interactions, for everyone, or even a large percentage of guys, to even come close to agreeing.
Or try the experiment with Hollywood stars. Do you think Pamela Andersen is a 10? On my particular scale of physical beauty, she’s about an 8. How about Cindy Crawford? Is she your dream woman? I’d give her a 7. Carmen Electra? She’s about a 6.5 in my book. Jennifer Lopez? Maybe an 8.
In fact, if you and I were sitting in a bar together and your dream woman - a Sarah Michelle Geller lookalike - walked in, you wouldn’t have much competition from me. In fact, you wouldn’t have any competition from me. I’d be too busy checking out the shorter, curvier, brunette over by the bar.
Do you like the tall, thin, professional-model type? I’m not attracted to them at all, and they’d certainly get no special treatment from me. In my own special little world they’re just ordinary women and would be treated as ordinary women. And I certainly wouldn’t fall all over myself trying to impress them.
Now I’m not saying that all women are equal in physical beauty. I’m not saying that at all. While Pamela, Cindy, and the rest, are not, in my opinion, even close to being perfect, I would agree that they are "above average" in attractiveness. And they probably, overall, receive better treatment in our world.
Research clearly demonstrates that the physically attractive do have advantages in our society. They are attributed a whole host of positive personality characteristics simply on the basis of how they look. And they are treated a little better in specific situations. So no, every woman is not equally attractive.
I’m also not saying that there aren’t a few women running around (more than a few actually) who have an over-inflated sense of their own self-importance... and maybe even a few delusional ladies who think that they actually are Perfect 10s. Heck, there are some butt-ugly guys running around who think that they’re pretty hot stuff too.
Now with these particular women - these women who see themselves as being above you, or who feel that you should be knocking yourself out trying to impress them - with these women you may need a modified strategy. You may need to knock them off their little pedestals. And there are a number of simple techniques for accomplishing this... if you choose to pursue such a "lady."
But the important thing to remember is that you base your strategy on the situation and, specifically, her ATTITUDE, and not on how attractive you perceive her to be. Just because YOU think she’s a Perfect 10 does not necessarily mean that she has an over-inflated ego and needs to be taken down a few notches. (If she’s not on a self-imposed pedestal, and you try to knock it out from under her, you just wind up kicking her in the shin -- oh how poetical I am sometimes.)
As mentioned, I frequently see comments on "dealing with extremely beautiful women" and read articles written by experts on The Perfect 10. Sometimes they suggest a "special strategy" for dealing with a 10 (see above). And, even more ridiculous, sometimes they just flat out state that you shouldn’t even bother pursuing The Perfect 10 unless you have something exceptional to offer.
How bout a ridiculous example to clarify.
Mark is extremely attracted to Karen. She’s a Perfect 10 in his little world, and he desperately wants to get to know her better. However, having recently read an article on Perfect 10s written by an expert, he knows he doesn’t have much of a chance. After all, every guy wants a girl like her - The Perfect 10. And he’s really no one special.
He concludes that Karen is out of his league and he needs to be a little more realistic. So he decides to go after Laura instead. She’s pretty cute, and nice - about a 7 or 8 in his book. Probably about right for him he thinks. And even though he finds himself fairly happy with Laura, in the back of his mind, he’ll always wish he had had more to offer, so that he would stand a chance with Karen.
Then there’s Steve. He’s been in love with Laura for 6 months. She’s absolutely perfect to him. But he’s sooo intimidated by her beauty. He also realizes that, seeing as how she’s the most perfect female he’s ever seen, every guy she meets wants her. He has no chance. He too read that article about Perfect 10s and realizes that he, being just an ordinary guy, doesn’t have much of a chance with her. So he goes after someone more "in his league" - Karen.
So Mark’s dating Laura because he feels Karen is out of his league. And Steve’s dating Karen because he doesn’t feel he has enough to offer a 10 like Laura. And neither is really happy.
How ridiculous! A ridiculous situation caused by ridiculous thinking.
Of course, I’m not really telling you anything here that you don’t already know. I believe that you already know that beauty is completely subjective and can vary tremendously from guy to guy.
The problem is that you tend to "forget" this fact, or fail to use it to your advantage, as soon as your version of a "Ms. Perfect" appears.
You get intimidated. You get extremely nervous. Being an ordinary guy, you start feeling unworthy, like you don’t really have anything to offer such a Goddess. You start thinking that she is so perfect that every guy in the place MUST want her. Rather than being "happy" about the opportunity to meet your Perfect 10, you begin to feel bad because you don’t think you measure up or have what it takes to actually attract and keep such a lady.
The myth of The Perfect 10, and your belief in this myth, is handicapping you and limiting your social effectiveness. However, if you remember that the perception of a woman’s physical beauty is completely subjective, and one guy’s 10 is invariably another guy’s 6, you will have a distinct advantage in dealing with women.
1) You will approach and pursue the women you really want. You won’t feel the need to limit yourself to the ones that are "in your league."
2) You will display more confidence. You won’t be as nervous when dealing with your 10. You will understand that she is NOT every guy’s version of a 10, and you will feel less pressure as you’re not in competition with every other guy on the planet.
3) You will be able to focus on the fact that it’s your job to evaluate her, to see if she’s good enough for you, not the other way around. You will stand up for yourself, demand respect, and clearly communicate the fact that YOU are special and she should be trying to impress you.
4) You will actually be happier when with your Perfect 10. It seems to be more satisfying to find someone who is perfect for us, than it is to find someone who is just flat-out perfect.
So, my fellow Don Juans, pursue your dream women. Pursue them with passion, confidence, knowledge, and style.
And who knows. This world’s wacky enough that you just might wind up being her version of "The Perfect 10."

The Test

Whew! The first date was tough. The second was easier - and more fun. The third found you in bed with her. Somehow after 3 more dates, you two are a couple. Now, something has come up that directly affects or might even prevent your relationship from moving forward - what do you do?
Why Can’t a Woman Be More Like a Man?
From birth, women begin studying relationships. This continues the rest of their lives. Men on the other hand get very little relationship training before "hitting the field". When relationship issues come up, women expect men to handle them at a woman’s level. Frankly, men just don’t have the tools to do this. So, they end up making a bad situation worse, committing to more than they wanted to or worse yet, lying.
The Test
"The Test" is that unexpected, unexplained, quirky situation inflicted on a man by a woman right about this time in the new relationship. It can take many forms - from not calling when she promised, to "forgetting" a date, to pulling something so egregious that it knocks the man right off his chair.
Make no mistake about it - women learn to "test" their men from very early in their relationship training. Think not? My friend, then you’re just the kind of guy that walks in front of the target! "The Test" is so pervasive in the dating world that it is even looked at with humor. In fact, it is so common that most people (men AND women) don’t even realize that it happens! You’ve seen movies and television, read books and articles, etc. where it is dealt with as "that cute situation" a man is placed in order to win his woman.
Do men test women? Yes - it sometimes happens, but not very often. The reasons for this are: 1) Men don’t really know how to test women; 2) The Test is designed to pre-qualify a love interest, and frankly, men aren’t choosy in the same ways as women; 3) Men use other techniques to win their loves; and 4) Men often assume (incorrectly!) that women think the same way they do. When men DO test women, it is usually because of a low self-image or they don’t really have an interest in the woman in the first place. Women test because of a desire to be with the "right" man (Mr. Right)!
Women want men that can pass their tests. This shows them that their man is strong and capable and worthy of their affection. Fail the test and you’re either going to get more tests, or lose the woman altogether.
Recognizing the Test
How do you know when you’re being tested? Frankly it can be difficult - unless you pay very close attention. I recommend that men ask themselves first, "does this event make sense in the context of the situation?" and second, "would my best friend do this same thing?" If your answer is "no" to these questions you’re probably being tested.
Tests take many forms but they all have the same pattern. If you can begin to recognize the patterns, you will see the tests when they come. Here are the things to look for:
- Something that seems totally out of context for her based on previous behavior
- Something that seems totally out of context for the situation
- Your reaction (or lack of one) will likely lead to a critical relationship "event" or other drama
- You are being expected to "jump through a hoop" unnecessarily or for no apparent reason
- If you don’t react, you’re likely to loose respect by her, or by others that she includes in your test
There are far too many examples of tests to cover them all here. For specifics check my website at: remingtonpublications.com. Suffice it to say that, if an unexpected situation meets any or all of the above, you’re probably getting The Test.
Passing the Test
Tests are not problems to be solved. They are situations created to determine how you will react. Thus, try to keep in mind the following:
- You’re not in the relationship to cater to her whims
- You deserve respect and consideration in all of your dealings with her
- You can expect that she will support you and not cause you to look bad in front of your friends, family, co-workers, etc.
- If you get angry, or loose your head, you’ll fail the test
- Your goal is to deal with it and put the impetus on HER - let her next action be the deciding one!
- Resolve up front to walk away if things aren’t resolved satisfactorily.
Whoops! You Blew The Test!
I’ve talked to many men that have failed their tests miserably. What now? First, review what happened. Don’t get angry - understand that she wants you to pass, but you’re going to have to work harder. Next, decide that you’re going to be the leader in your relationship - the "captain of your ship" as it were. Thus, you’ll be in position to steer the test the next time it comes up. Finally, be ready! You’re going to get tested again!
Good luck

Presence - The First Element of Charisma

The first element of charisma is "presence." Presence, as used here, refers to the quality of commanding respectful attention.
To further define presence, think of it more specifically as how you carry yourself. Picture a Lotus in a parking lot of Fords. The Lotus stands alone - as a European sports car, it’s sleek and stylishly detailed compared to the conservative and boring Fords. It’s not moving, it’s not talking - it’s not doing a thing and yet you’ve taken notice of it because of its detailed features. That is presence.
Presence is important... It is the very first step of making a first impression. As numerous elements make up charisma, so do numerous elements make up presence.
What do you need to do create presence? The following steps will get you well on your way:

Image is Everything: So Pay Attention to Detail
- Dress in a style that is considered fashionable. Wear clothes that will get you compliments. You care about your image and it shows. While it’s good to have an image that says that you care about how you look, you don’t have to exactly mimic the trendy crowd around you, which by tradition is all ’into looks’. Be a little creative, looking for those items that will make your wardrobe more original than the average well-dressed guy. But recognize, if a woman is well into the trendy crowd, to seduce her you’d better seem high up in it yourself.
- In general, the attractive women in society prefer a man with a clean, short hair cut. This same group of women (most desired by men) also prefers men to be clean shaven. A clean shave says two things about you... First, it says that you’re well-groomed, and second that you prefer a more youthful look, and are aware of the social ramifications of a clean shaven face. Does this mean you have to be clean shaven? No. In regards to first impressions, we’re just telling you what women prefer in general.
And when following what women are generally known to prefer, you position yourself in such a way as to have the statistically greatest chances of success at catching their attention with your image.
Some other tips to enhance your presence:
- If you’re white, work on maintaining a healthy tan. No sunshine?... Find a nearby tanning salon.
- Pay attention to how you walk, sit, and stand. Your posture should make you appear to be confident and at ease with your surroundings. Even if you’re not at ease, pay attention to your posture so that it seems as though you are.
- Flaunt a sincere, friendly smile at strategic intervals (but don’t over do it - learn to read when it is called for, and when it’s not). * A sincere, friendly smile is a strong weapon. It breaks the ice, tears down people’s walls, automatically paints you as a person of high self-esteem and confidence. ( * Refer to The Sixth Element: Diplomacy.)
- What is your mind set? You are in a situation that requires a strong focus on tact and diplomacy. Meaning, knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout.
- How do your eyes follow the crowd? As if you’re disinterested (meaning, you’re not paying too much attention to any one person) - and that’s because you feel that their is nobody worthy of your attention. In other words, you’re never "star-struck" because you are the star. In the end, your goal is to give off the impression that you’re a prestigious person accustomed to ranking high in social circles - not even the blonde-bombshell walking by can shake this poise. You may cast a glance, but you’re too prestigious to stare . *People around you WILL notice this and subconsciously decide that you ARE a person of prestige. (* Refer to Element II: "Regal Bearing").
In a world where most people lack a high level of self-respect, it is easy to stand out when you have it and it shows. And if you don’t have a high level of self-respect (again, like most), then fake it. Take note - the trick to faking it is to fake it with sincerity (this will be repeated further along).
By themselves, these simple details regarding a positive, prestigious self-image don’t accomplish much, but when packaged together they merge for great effect. And now you’ve created "presence."

Introducing ’Universal Presence’: Dressing in a "Safety Zone"
When it comes to first impressions, there’s a certain zone statistically most women respond to, and for the purpose of this section we’ll call it the "safety zone". You can dress how you’ve always dressed, or you can dress in a way that women are known most often to admire.
Nowadays, the trendy Calvin Klein / Ralph Lauren look seems to be in with the "cool" upscale crowds... and as such, this is what most women admire. (Not all women, just most). Now, if this isn’t the type of women you’re after, then disregard the next few paragraphs regarding personal image. The important thing to realize, is that it’s about presenting yourself (dressing) in such a way as to impress the women you’re targeting. Biker girls like tattooed-up bikers. Thug girls like thug guys. Punk rock girls like punk rock guys. Cowgirls like cowboys.
Analyze the traits most admired by the women you’re most after. Then adapt these traits into who you are to give yourself the greatest odds for getting these women.
The great seducers understood what the women they were after most looked for in a man’s appearance, and so they portrayed this image for the sole purpose of getting these women. Today, this means that if you’re going after a woman who’s ’big on country’, dressing with a ’hip hop’ look probably isn’t going to have a good effect.
Now, let’s say that you prefer country music, however where you work the women are more into hip hop... The easiest way then to seduce these women, is to first keep your musical preferences to yourself, and second recognize what they admire most in guys that listen to hip hop. Loose fitting jeans. Well-styled hair. Designer clothes... Nike, Polo, Etc. You can then make the choice to greatly enhance your chances with these women by dressing in this fashion.

’Universal Presence’ Part II: Understanding That Presence Is a Key Element in First Impressions
For the most part, how you are regarded by others is how people you come into contact with will regard you. But if they don’t know you from Adam, if you’re a complete stranger to them, then they will subconsciously prejudge you and form an early opinion of you before EVEN MEETING YOU.
It is human instinct to look for patterns in the world around us. It is psychological, it is subconscious. We relate the situations we’re presented with based on our passed experiences.
When creating an aura of charisma, you’re using this instinct to your advantage (which most people can’t control because they’re unaware that it is something happening in their subconscious). Here’s an analogy: If you look like a thug, you’ll be prejudged as probably being a thug. If you look like your gay, you’ll be prejudged as probably being gay. And if you look like a charismatic person used to respect and even admiration, you will be prejudged as a person who is probably charismatic and worthy of respect and even admiration.
Once you’ve been prejudged, it’s that much easier to create the effect that you’re after. Notice that we used the word "probably" in the above paragraph? We use the word "probably" to represent the other person’s expectations. This is what he or she expects. And because they expect it, now it’s that much easier to give it to them.
Many elements make up charisma; presence is but one. Most people don’t understand the charismatic persona and can only assume that it comes naturally to some people. Maybe for a very rare and select few. For the rest of us, it is an acquired art - something that we practice in our daily encounters with others until it is developed over time. Charisma opens many doors and will get you into many places otherwise far off limits. It is a very influential tool when you want something.

Make Simple Decisions Quickly and Easily

A Don Juan makes simple decisions quickly and easily.
You never stutter, ponder over, or invest a good deal of mental energy in over-analyzing most of the relatively mundane decisions which must be made in romantic situations.
When you ask a girl out, you have a plan and make a specific recommendation. No, "What do you want to do? I don’t know what do you want to do?" You lead. All she has to do is agree. If she doesn’t agree with a particular proposal, then you lead her towards a different proposal.
A dinner date? You open the car door for her. You park in the first open spot you see. You approach the hostess requesting, "Table for two in the non-smoking area." Or if there’s no hostess, you quickly survey the scene, pick out a table and head for it. (You may ask your date, "Is this table okay with you?" Nothing wrong with being polite.) You take the menu, peruse it briefly for a few minutes, then put it down and order. Once you’re both finished eating, you pick the check up and pay it.
No matter what kind of date you go on, whether it’s a dinner date in a restaurant, a party at a friend’s house, or a day at the park, there are dozens of simple little decisions which must be made. As the man, it’s your job to orchestrate the date, to take charge, to make things as easy and enjoyable as possible for the lady.
Everything should flow smoothly. In fact, she’s somewhat judging you based upon how smoothly the date does "flow." If it flows, she’ll conclude that the date’s going well, that there’s a certain chemistry between the two of you, and she will be much more likely to want to see you again.
If the date doesn’t flow, i.e. lots of awkward pauses while you fret over these minor decisions, she’ll begin to doubt that you are, in fact, the kind of man she’s looking for. She’ll begin to doubt the "chemistry."
In addition to increasing your initial dating success by increasing flow, you need to continue to make these simple little decisions - quickly and easily - even after you start seeing someone on a regular basis. Why? Because making these kinds of little decisions quickly and easily is an EASY WAY for you to garner respect.
Remember, RESPECT is one of the most important elements of a romantic relationship. If she doesn’t respect you, she will never love you... or even lust after you. Garnering respect from the ladies is crucial to your romantic success.
There are lots of little ways for you to garner respect (the subject of a future article). One of the easiest is to handle these decision points with ease. It’s also one of the ways that guys very frequently screw up... and they don’t even realize it.
Imagine arriving at that same restaurant with your date.
You drive round and round looking for the best spot.
There’s no hostess so you and her stand there and try to decide where you should sit. After a couple minutes, she picks a table and you two head for it.
The waiter comes over and asks what you’d like to drink. You think for a second, ask what they have, then after he runs down the list, you finally pick something.
When he comes back to take your order, you’re still trying to decide what you want, still studying the menu. Your date’s ready to order. You ask for more time.
When the check comes, you let it sit there for an eternity while trying to decide whether you should pay it, or she should pay half, or whatever.
And so it goes... on and on like this for the entire night. You faltering on simple little decisions... inhibiting flow and chemistry... and losing more and more respect in your date’s eyes.
What to do? Where to park? What to order? These are all examples of "decision points" which occur quite frequently in romantic situations... and these decision points present you with the opportunity to garner respect from your lady... or to project weakness.
Of course, we’re not talking about taking a dictatorial approach to relationships. If she wants to do something else, or sit someplace else, or pay for dinner... fine. These little things shouldn’t really matter to you. After all, you’ve got your eye on the big picture -- having fun.
Remember... indecisiveness in a man is a highly undesirable trait, and will turn a woman off faster than a moldy pair of Scooby Do boxer shorts.
And when she doesn’t kiss you goodnight, begins screening your calls, and never goes out with you on that second date... you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.

Confidence - How to Show It Even If You Don’t Have It

Many of the women I talk to say the same thing: of all the things they find attractive in a man, confidence is #1. The wise man will understand this and use it to his advantage. If you’re going to have any level of success with women, you’re going to have to be confident, or learn to fake it. This article will explore men’s confidence - what it is, how it appears and how to fake it.
"Confident" verses "Cocky"
To begin this discussion, let’s look at the difference between "confident" and "cocky". On the surface, they appear to be almost the same thing - and in fact, they come from the same place, and hold much the same outward appearance. However, a cocky person’s subtle quirks are easily exposed by, and a real turn-off to women - exactly the opposite of what you want. So, how do we differentiate confident from cocky? The difference ultimately is the internal motivation. People who really are confident show it easily. Those that try to appear confident (without some coaching) come off as cocky.
Women are masters at picking up the difference, so it’s tough to disguise. But - it CAN be done! We’ll explore that in a few minutes. First, let’s look at some differences in traits between the confident and the cocky man:

	The Confident Man	The Cocky Man
Posture	Comfortably erect	Slouching or too erect
Eyes	Look right into her eyes	Shifting around - not into her eyes
Hands	Relaxed, at the sides, on table, etc.	Constantly touching something or himself
Speech	Relaxed, slow and specific.	Strained, tense, choppy, fast and too loud or soft
Talks About	Her, others and things in general	Himself
Face	Pleasant, easy expression	Facial "ticks" or odd expressions
A Plan	Has one!	Doesn’t think he needs one

Of course, you want to focus on the traits shown by the confident man, not the cocky one. The more you think about them the easier it is to adopt them. This is the way the mind works. It can only hold one thought at a time and reacts to everything. For example, if you think about your nose, while you’re trying to concentrate on her, you’re going to start feeling it itch. So, fill your mind with other things - things that build confidence.
So, practice being confident, and watch out for or correct any cocky behavior.
How to Fake Confidence
1) Dress and groom yourself well.
Dress better than the best-dressed person you expect to meet. If you don’t, you’ll feel inferior subconsciously which will manifest itself as nervousness outwardly. Also, make sure you’re properly groomed. You do this for the obvious reasons just stated, but even more important - if you’re not well groomed, you give any woman you meet a reason to look at you more closely - and, women can be critical enough without your help! She’ll start to pick up small details that translate in her mind into your lack of confidence. By grooming yourself well, (including your hair, nails, moustache and beard, ear and nose hair, eyebrows, and having a good shine on your shoes) you won’t have to worry about this on top of everything else.
2) Build it up from inside.
Confidence is very difficult to fake, so you’re going to have to help yourself by adopting a confidence "physiology" What does this mean? Specifically, by creating thoughts of confidence in your mind, your body will react and display that confidence. So many of the "quirks of confidence" come out in very small things - like an almost imperceptible smile from the corner of your mouth or the brightness in your eyes. These are all subconscious indications of confidence. You want as many of these coming through as possible.
First, give yourself an easy pep talk. Tell yourself, "I look great today!" and "I feel good about myself." These seem silly at first, but consider that your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between reality and the things you tell yourself - if you do it with conviction. Of course, you’re going to have to actually think you DO look good, so give yourself a leg-up and dress well, be well groomed, etc. Then, when you look in the mirror and say you look good, your brain adds the thought, "Yep - he’s right!"
Next, run some confidence-building thoughts through your mind. To do this, get into a comfortable, quiet place - your living room or bedroom is best, but even your car will do - sit quietly for a moment and relax. Try to remember a time that you felt totally comfortable and confident. Try to remember the exact feelings you had and then recreate them. Try to feel exactly like you did when you felt calm, comfortable and confident. Now, with these feelings in place, imagine walking up to a woman you’ve never met and saying "Hello." If you lose the feelings, go back and recreate them and try again. Continue this until you can keep the feelings going while imagining talking to a new woman.
What you’re doing here is programming your mind for success. You’re telling your mind in the most direct way possible what you expect of it. It will respond if you give it the right messages clearly enough. Most of us spend time thinking of the worst thing that could happen. Then, what happens? The worst thing! Don’t do this to yourself. Use your mind to build positive experiences and expectations.
3) Remember the term "Calm Confidence."
One of the most obvious signals to a person’s lack of confidence is in their nervousness. A confident person is usually calm and has easy, natural gestures and mannerisms. By adopting the correct physiology through the techniques just discussed you will add greatly to this. However, pay attention to your actions (but don’t dwell!) and, if you find that you’re gestures become erratic or large, play them down. Focus on the calm confidence you’re trying to show.
4) Hold a drink in your LEFT hand!
First, holding a drink (even if it’s only water) gives you something to do with your hands and prevents you from fidgeting. This is important: always hold a drink in your left hand - not your right! Why? Because drinks, being cold will give your hand a cold, clammy, wet feel - a dead giveaway to nervousness!
5) Don’t smoke before or while meeting someone.
Many people use smoking as a relaxing activity and falsely believe that it makes them calm. In fact, cigarette smoke is a stimulant. If you smoke before you meet someone your physiology will change, giving off all kinds of signs of being nervous including:
* Increased blood pressure
* "Flushed" face and hands
* Constricted pupils
* Dry mouth
And a hundred other signals - any one or two of which are enough to set off red flags in her head. Further, it gives you "smoker’s breath." Women constantly report that bad breath is one of their main turn-offs.
On the other hand, if you are a smoker and you don’t keep the nicotine level high enough in your blood stream, you’re going to get minor withdrawal symptoms including the "shakes" - another giveaway. So the answer is to have your smokes well before you plan to meet someone. Then, brush your teeth, use mouthwash, etc. to help eliminate the breath problems. Your body will have a chance to even out the nicotine levels and return you to a more balanced state.
You should never smoke while you’re meeting someone new. Why not? First, there is a heavy backlash against smoking these days - sometimes even by smokers themselves! Having your prospective woman complain about smoke in her face is not a good sign. Second, holding a cigarette in a nervous hand amplifies any shaking you may have - no matter how minor. Third, it really doesn’t look very cool to have a burning weed hanging out of your mouth, regardless of what the ads say!
Remember: it is never inappropriate NOT to smoke.
6) Limit the coffee, tea, sodas and other stimulants.
Just like with smoking, these increase your nervous signals. One cup of coffee may help clear a fogged mind, but an entire pot is going to make you wired. So too with sodas and even candy - many contain high levels of caffeine, and should be avoided.
7) Shut the hell up!
Nervous people just yammer on about only things they know about. By being quiet, other than to ask "leading questions" (those that require more than just a "yes" or "no" answer), you let her do most of the talking. Not only does this help to conceal your nervousness, it also gives her another focus - herself. You’d be surprised how great a "conversationalist" you become by letting the other person do all the talking!
Obviously, you can’t go on and on without saying something, but don’t confuse a speech with a response. Especially when you first meet someone, you just need to make contact and focus on your goal - getting the home phone number. It doesn’t take many conversation tools to do this. Further, she is probably better at talking than you are anyway. Let some mystery help you along to your goal.
8) Practice.
Many people spend years perfecting their crafts. Consider making a speech; very few people are born good public speakers. However, wouldn’t it be easier to speak in public about something you already know well rather than about something you don’t? And, wouldn’t it be even easier if you had hours of practice beforehand? Of course! You can practice these confidence-building techniques anytime and you’ll find that they eventually become second nature.
Making It By Faking It
Wow, what happened? Once you’ve faked it for a while, you’re going to find something strange - you’ll actually become confident! Certainly, your newfound success will help here, but it is really much more than this. Like I said before, when you adopt a confidence philosophy, your body begins changing it’s physiology! With enough practice, you’re going to find that it becomes second nature - not because you’re getting good at faking it (you are by the way), but your body begins to accept it as fact! And, guess what - you actually become a more confident person!
Your mind and body don’t know what is real and what’s not. Do you doubt this? Then how do you explain the success of commercials? By repetitive viewing or listening, we begin to remember products and eventually buy them. Just as well, by repetitively changing our philosophies, and therefore our physiologies, we are actually changing ourselves. It makes you wonder; if a 30-second commercial can change your perception or memory about a product, what can a 60-minute television program change?
So, here’s this article’s lesson: "fake it until you make it

What You Need to Do Before Your Big Date

Do you have a pre-date checklist?
This is a simple list of things you need to do before going on an important date.
It includes things about yourself - such as brushing your teeth, taking a shower, maybe getting your hair trimmed, cutting your fingernails, etc. It also includes things about your home - such as cleaning your bathroom, washing the dishes, vacuuming the carpet, making sure your fridge is stocked with things to drink and munch on, etc. And your list should include other miscellaneous items - such as washing your car, getting money out of the bank, making reservations, etc.
It is especially important that you include items on your pre-date checklist that are important but you’re apt to forget - making sure you have a full tank of gas, putting a full roll of toilet paper in the bathroom, putting on your favorite cologne, etc. Whatever. The list will vary from person to person.
Even if you think there’s very little chance of anything out of the ordinary happening on this particular date, you should always plan that it will. Always be prepared. Even if you’re supposed to meet her someplace, you should plan that you and she will wind up in your car at some point, and prep it accordingly.
Even if you think there’s very little chance of the two of you coming back to your place, you should have the place spotless and everything in its place just in case. Even if you think there’s very little to no chance of anything "sexual" happening, you should plan that it will, and have the appropriate protection, lube, whips, chickens, or whatever other weirdo stuff you happen to be interested in available (you pervert you).
Having this simple checklist, which will grow and grow as you date more and more, will make your life so much simpler and your date so much less stressful.
You won’t be on your way out the door, running late to pick her up - as usual - when you realize that there are dirty dishes everywhere, the garbage is overflowing, you have no wine, you need gas, and you have to stop at the bank to get money (oh, and by the way, that particular ATM will not, of course, be working).
Then you arrive 45 minutes late, your date is already annoyed, and you’re stressed, sweating, and smell like gasoline.
Does this scenario sound familiar to you?
Develop your pre-date checklist and make your dates the joyful, stress-free, and fun experiences they’re supposed to be.